The person is not the problem. The problem is the problem. Externalizing the problem respects the person and creates a team-perspective to resolve the problem. Lowered defenses allow us to accept responsibility and accountability for our own actions without the shame and moral injury that accompanies blame.

If you're reading this, you're probably already paying attention to your relationship in a way that matters. Most people don't search for "couples therapy" when everything is fine. Something has shifted — and that instinct is worth trusting.